The Death of a Dog

Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in - Mark Twain 

 Dogs are a funny thing. They're not really pets, as much as we'd like to think of them as such... They're closer to being a member of the family. They become part of the daily routines a family has. Dogs have their own personalities, their own likes and dislikes, their own routines, and even their own friendships. Thanks to thousands of years of domestication, dogs can communicate with humans through an exchanging of looks, cats? Not so much.  A dog can be whatever you want it to be, Whatever love you give a dog, you'll receive tenfold. There are an infinite amount wonderful things about dogs to write, but we're not here for that.

Spencer, Parker, and Yuri

There is something profoundly sad about the death of a family dog. With the death other pets like fish, hamsters, rabbits, birds, or even chinchillas, there's a sadness but it's generally superficial. I can remember how I felt when those pets died, I even remember milking the death of my rabbit for an extra day out of school.

Yuri and Nevin

When you lose a dog, it isn't comparable to losing a brother, sister, son, daughter, mother, or father. Thankfully. Losing a dog is hard in its own rights, when it's their time, they leave a hole that nothing can fill. The house feels empty. Maybe because it's quieter, cleaner, less hectic, it's safe to leave food on the counter, and no one is going to try and eat the couch. Yet, the lack of these things, is a shroud over the family.

Yuri, 5 months old

After ten to fifteen years of having a dog, and it's time for them to go. Everyone in the family, even the dog, is ready for it. When a dog dies of old age, everyone has a chance to mentally prepare and say their goodbyes.  It's sad, and there's still a hole...But it's a hole everyone was expecting, maybe for weeks, months, or even years.

Superdog

This morning, I woke up to a Facebook message from my sister, "Is there any way for you to call me? Or any one of us? Please call us, it doesn't matter what time of night." When I read it, my heart dropped, I'm in Russia, and my sister needs me to call her. "Yuri died, he was hit by a train." I could hear my sister crying 5,000 miles away. My whole family was crying, our dog, our three year old Batdog was dead. 

Batdog

Yesterday when I woke up, he was alive. It's a bittersweet thing to be half a world away from your family at a time like this. I can't be with them, comfort them, have them comfort me. There's no shroud here in Ekaterinburg, I don't have to live with the emptiness that Yuri left behind.

Yuri and Parker

Yuri is not replaceable, he was the best and worst dog I'll have ever owned. I still remember the first time Spencer and I saw him. We drove an hour to Casco to look at these "accidental" puppies. Yuri was the only one left. He was everything I could have ever hoped a dog could be, smart, energetic, fun, gentle, and he had more personality than any other dog I've met or owned. He had his downsides, he was stubborn, dirty, and he ate almost as much as Nevin, although I've never seen Nevin hit a $3,000 leather sofa and chair set. 

Yuri experiences leaves for the first time...

Between living in Machias, and moving to Russia, I didn't get to spend nearly as much time with "my" dog as he deserved. But thankfully for me, my brother did. Spencer and Yuri had a bond that was indescribable. When they would see each other, you could see both their faces light up. It was only a matter of time before Spencer moved out of the house and took Yuri with him. He may of started out as "my" dog, but there's no question about who he loved the most. 

A boy and his dog

The bond between Yuri and Spencer is what makes this story so tragic. Yesterday when Spencer got home, Yuri was nowhere to be found, so he went looking for him. Spencer found his best friend on the railroad tracks, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. To have to do what Spencer did, if it was anyone else it would have been a little better. For Spencer to see Yuri like that, there are no words. His best friend. I don't understand what my brother could have possibly done in his short life to have to experience what he did.

I love you

 I wish I was home, with my family. To help them, to help Spencer, and for them to help me. So, today I say goodbye to Yuri the Superdog, the best dog I have and will ever own. Yuri left a hole that will never be filled.

Who needs sticks when you have logs?

Goodbye Yuri we will all  miss you and we will all always love you....Thank you for being a part of our lives, and making our family that much better because of it, goodbye my friend....

Goodbye buddy, I'll miss you

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall...

Having lived in Russia since August, there is one thing I've learned that's more important than anything else: Thoreau was right. Up until I moved to Russia, I'd never been on my own, or more importantly...alone. I've had "alone time", but I have never truly been alone. In my twenty-three years of life, prior to Russia, I'd always been surrounded by friends and family; People that care about and love me. It's impossible to be alone growing up in a family of six, especially in a "small" house, and I'm eternally grateful for that. Even when I went away to college, I was surrounded by friends that I had made during 'June Welcome', and that eased the transition. While I was in Machias, my entire time there I was surrounded by close friends, that would do almost anything for me, and none of whom were more than a text away.

Fast forward to the present, I'm alone. I have some great friends here, but every night I come back to my flat...Alone. In my day to day life, I shop by myself, walk around by myself, cook by myself....And "worst" of all, I go out to eat by myself. To cope, I've developed a new habit; I have full conversations with myself. I spend most of my time walking around in a bubble. I couldn't understand what people around me are saying, even if I was listening. It's the strangest thing, to be able to spend most of the day lost in your own thoughts. I've become my own best friend. Once, I started looking at being alone as a chance to get to know myself, and become my own friend...I got dangerously close to developing a psychosis, kidding of course. Psychologically I'm probably much healthier than I was before. Thoreau moved into the woods and built a cabin so he could find himself, I moved to Russia.

This blog post isn't a pity party, I'm alone, but I'm not lonely. There is a huge difference. I can look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I'm nowhere near perfect, and I'm okay with it. No one is perfect. I can accept myself as the imperfect human that I am, and even with my imperfections...I'm a kick ass person to be around, living alone has taught me what loads of people already knew. If you can't be friends with yourself, why should anyone else? That's where loneliness comes in, if you're happy with who you are, and can be your own friend...You'll never be lonely. It's when you let society decide for you that eating alone is wrong and embarrassing, or that you shouldn't go shopping by yourself because only losers do that...That is when loneliness rears its ugly head. If you can depend on yourself, what society thinks or says is just a load of cock and bull.  Being alone and on my own 5,000 miles from everything I knew is the equivalent of saying "Alright, I never really watched MacGyver but he seemed pretty cool. I'll be like him, and put myself in a situation where I need to survive, but instead of 2 paper clips a rubber band, and a can of compressed air I only get myself."

So, try and get to know yourself today, maybe go speed-dating with yourself, or take yourself on a date, but whatever you do...Don't invite yourself in for drinks! Do you really want to think that you're of dubious morals????

Also, just so you don't pity me the way you pity a Cubs fan.....I'm going over to some friends for dinner